Over 1000 Crunchy Views! Thank you!

Over the weekend, the blog hit over 1000 views!  After analyzing all the data, I can see there is a real following here on the blog.  Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and I hope that I provide some useful information for making the transformation into green living.

I hope you continue to come by to browse the blog, and hope to hear from you soon on your thoughts and ideas.  If you are new to the blog, welcome!  Thank you so much, and Green Appetit and Happy Greening!

Getting Clean and Going Green (without cleaning out your wallet): "Swiffering" and alternatives

I remember when Swiffer products first came out.  The first product my mom ever bought was the refillable  Swiffer Sweeper Mop that came with those baby wipe-like pad wet refill cloths.  Eventually, Swiffer progressed to a whole line of cleaning products, including the WetJet, Swiffer Dusters, and my college dorm room favorite, the Swiffer Carpet Flick (no longer sold, but you can still get the refills).

After the novelty of it all wore off, I remember thinking that it was ridiculous to keep spending massive amounts of money on all the refills and cleaning solutions.  It seemed like I needed at least 2 bottles of cleaning solution to get through cleaning all of my hard flooring surfaces, and that was just way too much money.  This was not including how costly the refill pads were.  I also was hooked on the Swiffer Duster because it was amazing at getting dust off my electronics and bookshelves. With two cats, I have a lot of nasty dust, but again, the refill duster cloths were a little pricey for my liking.

Luckily, other cleaning product companies began to catch on.  They made eco-friendly alternatives to Swiffer products.  In addition to switching to better alternatives, I began to figure out how to prolong the life of the Swiffer products.  So here are my "Swiffering" Alternatives for Cleaner, Greener Living.

Swiffer Dusters

• Don't use them at all.  I talked about my investment in reusable microfiber cloths in the Getting Clean and Going Green series installment regarding paper towels.  These cloths are great for dusting because the microfiber traps the dirt and dust in the cloth until you wash it out.  These cloths are the best thing ever made, and yes, they are better than cutting up an old towel.  Seriously, one of the best cleaning investments I have ever made.

If you must use the Swiffer Duster, or if you're like me and already own one and want to get the most out of it while you've still got refills:

• Use the vacuum hose to clean dust of your disposable Swiffer Duster and reuse.  While this won't necessarily make your disposable duster cloth "as good as new", it will prolong the usable lifespan of your duster.  I literally insert the duster, stick and all, into an attachment-free vaccum hose to suck out all the dirt and dust.  Just make sure you hold onto the base of the duster cloth!  Otherwise, you'll be trying to figure how to get it out of your vacuum hose.
• Wash the duster pad in a delicate bag in your washer.   Although I haven't tried this one myself, I have seen others tout this as a way to extend the life of your duster.  I could see how this would work for a couple of times and then render the refill completely useless.

Swiffer Mops/Cleaning Solution Bottles

• Refill the Swiffer Cleaner Bottle.   There are a few ways to do this.  Most of them are dangerous and not recommended.  There is a way to pry the stupid cap off, and it is similar to how I get the caps off my usually non-reusable lysol hands-free dispenser refills.  More on that, later.  This one is tricky, though.  Another way is to soften up the plastic by dunking it in very hot water.  Once the cap is more pliable, you can pull it off.  There are locking tabs on the inside of the cap.  You can either clip them off so that the bottle can now be easily unscrewed, or if you're generally a bad parent and leave things like this laying around, you should probably leave the locking tabs on to prevent junior from drinking your cleaning solution.  Or invest in and use some cabinet locks.  Just saying.  
• When you get your bottle open, refill it with your own cleaning solution.  My favorite solution for my vinyl floors is a diluted borax solution.  I use a couple of tablespoons per quart of HOT water.  I pour it into my wet mop bottle and go to town.  You can also scent this solution up if you want.  A few drops of tea tree oil or lavender is good because they have antibacterial/antiseptic properties.  I have also used a mixture of 50/50 vinegar and water mixed with about a tsp of dish soap per quart.  This is for those really grimy jobs. It will get month-old dried on marinara off of any surface. Don't judge me.  I'm busy and forget to clean under the stove sometimes.  
• Wash the Swiffer WetJet Pads (see above).  Same concept as with the duster refills, but don't see how this would be useful for very long.
• Use a microfiber towel or cleaning pad in place of the disposables. The Swiffer WetJet has velcro-like areas to which the cleaning pads stick.  Sometimes, these are sticky enough to hold a reusable mopping cloth.  If it isn't, you can go buy some heavy-duty adhesive Velcro online or from your local craft or superstore.  If you already have some binder clips laying around the house and your microfiber cloth is big enough, you can also pin the cloth up around the cleaning pad area.   

Example of how to attach a microfiber cloth on your  Swiffer or other mop with binder clips.   

• Make your own disposable wet pad refills.  This one doesn't necessarily save the environment, unless you count using an eco-friendly cleaner, but it will save some money.  If you still want the disposable feature of the clothes, place paper towels and enough of your favorite cleaning solution to wet all the towels in a reusable, seal-able container of your choice.  Make sure you use purified distilled water for diluting your cleaning solution, or you may grow some mold in there.  Also, do not use the "select-a-size" type of paper towels.  They aren't big enough to fit over the end of the cleaning pad area on your mop and lock in. An even better idea is to use a microfiber cloth dampened with cleaning solution. Here, you may run into the problem of being able to get it to stay on with the locking tabs on your mop.  If this is the case, use the binder clip tip shown above.  

• Buy a fully reusable version of the Swiffer dust or wet mop.    I like the O'Cedar Pro Mist Dry or Wet Cleaning System I have owned it for a year or so now and LOVE it.  I also bought some extra  microfiber replacement pads so that I can keep cleaning instead of stopping to rinse out my pad after a particularly dirty spot on the floor.  You just toss the pads into the wash when you're done, and they come out super clean, especially with my homemade laundry detergent.  I recommend using hot water to help disinfect them and get them a little cleaner.  I also own the  Microfiber Flip Mop Damp/Dry All-Surface Mop.  It is great to pick up what the vacuum cleaner left behind on my kitchen and bathroom floors.  Sometimes I use it alone, or I spray a 50/50 mix of water and vinegar on the areas I am cleaning to use it as a wet mop.  When one side of the mop cloth is dirty, I can just flip it over and use the other side.  Just like the ProMist, I can toss the pad in the washer when I'm done.  

My O'Cedar Flip Mop and Pro Mist Dry or Wet Cleaning System.  Love them!

So far, those are my tips for maximizing or replacing your Swiffer products.  Nothing against Swiffer, but I'd rather "start saving, start greening" instead of "stop cleaning, start Swiffering" any day.  

Getting Clean and Going Green: Salt, not just a seasoning

With all the buzz on natural cleaning products, I thought I would share one that I haven't really discussed so far, but has been getting a lot of attention from fellow home economists and green cleaning ladies.

Salt, or sodium chloride, is not just something delicious to sprinkle on your food, but it can also be a great cleaning product.  

Part of this is due to salt's neutral pH in water.  When added to water, salt breaks up into sodium and chloride ions.  Water is naturally in balance with it's acid (H3O+) and base (OH-) forms.  That's what gives water a neutral pH.  Salt, likewise, can combine with water to give the base, sodium hydroxide (NaOH), and the acid, hydrochloric acid (HCl).  Having both acid and base properties gives the salt water the ability to dissolve all kinds of substances by using its polarity, and we'll cover that later.

Another reason salt is great as a cleaning product, is that it is quite abrasive when used by itself or as a paste.  It also is able to absorb water to dry out things.  A great example of this is when you get clumps in your salt shaker because water from the air is being absorbed by the salt.  This is why some people add rice to their salt shakers to keep clumps from forming.  Rice is better at water absorption than salt.   

So, without further ado, I give you my Top 10 Reasons Salt is a Great Natural Cleaning Product 

(1)  Mix with vinegar to clean stinky hands.  This tip is great if you are like my husband and I.  We love to eat onions and garlic in almost every meal.  Great for our health and our immune systems.  Not so great for fresh-smelling hands.  To get rid of the tell-tale stench of sulfurous veggies, sprinkle some salt in one hand and drizzle some vinegar on top of it.  Rub hands well with salt and vinegar mixture; then rinse with warm water.  Some people say this works so well that they have used a spray version of this mixture to get rid of the smell when their animals get skunked.  

(2)  Put on spills in the oven to prevent smoking and make clean-up easier.  I don't know how many times I have set off a smoke alarm because something leaked in the oven and is burning.  If I had learned this tip several years ago, I would have save us a lot of running around frantically trying to air out our apartment before the whole building's alarms went off.  I also really wish my apartment neighbors would learn this one.  It also works if you're baking something and the juices start to smoke.  Just don't get it on the item you're actually cooking.  Nothing quite like over-salted chicken.

(3)  Use as a "soft scrub" to scour off grime.  I use a mixture of salt and baking soda all the time to clean my solid glass cook top.  I usually just make a paste out of it with a wet sponge, but for tough grime, I spray on a 50/50 mix of vinegar that I use as a general purpose cleaner.  You can also use the salt alone.  This works especially well on stainless steel sinks and certain types of counter tops.  If you have granite, baking soda and salt will work, but don't use the vinegar because anything you use on natural stone should be pH-balanced.  You can also mix salt and baking soda together with dish soap to make a true homemade "soft scrub".  I hear this works well on tubs, although I haven't had any soap scum nasty enough to try this one out, yet.

(4)  Removing laundry stains.  Salt is pretty good at removing blood and grease stains from clothing.  This has to do with that polarity (positive and negative charge) of salt that I was talking out.  The salt essentially attracts the stain and pulls it out of the fabric.  Another use for your laundry....

(5) Use as a laundry additive/fabric softener.  Although I haven't tried this one myself yet, it makes sense, given number 4.  Some people add about 1/2 cup or more of salt to the wash to help get rid of stains and to soften the fibers in their clothes.  Although true homemade crystal fabric softener is made from Epsom salt, which is actually a magnesium sulfate salt, the same acid/base rules apply to this compound as table salt.  Magnesium sulfate (MgSO4)  breaks up into Mg+2 and SO4-2 and binds with water in a similar fashion as sodium chloride.  Based on this property, assume it is this acid/base action that acts as a water and fabric softener and helps removes stains.

(6)  Use to get rid of ants.  Back when Crunchy Husband and I lived in a first floor one bedroom apartment, we had a terrible time getting rid of bugs from the previous tenant.  At the time, we were poor and couldn't afford to call out pest control, and my DIY natural conscious wouldn't let me bomb the place with toxic chemicals.  The biggest problems we had were with ants and fleas (see number 7 for the flea issue).  Ants don't like to cross salt, and being creatures of habit, they tend to follow a pheromone trail left by the ants before them.  To keep them from coming into the house, I sprinkled salt around all of the possible entrances.  This included our doors and windows, as well as around the pipes under the sinks, and along any areas that weren't caulked around the countertops, baseboards, etc.  After I got them to stop coming in, I found a really great natural lemongrass bug killer and finally got the ant problem under control.  

(7) Kill fleas in your carpets and furniture.  Along with the ants from number 6, the previous tenant of our old apartment had gifted us with a nasty flea infestation.  Not to mention, the apartment being on the first floor with tons of air leaks around doors and windows didn't help the bug problem.  Once I treated the cats, I was at wits end trying to get the fleas to stop biting us until we could kill them off once and for all.  After tons of research, I found I could get rid of them with not only vacuuming every day, but sprinkling salt over all of your carpets, rugs, couches, and other fabrics that can't be washed and are near the ground.  The dehydration property of salt works to kill the fleas.  I also used salt in a mixture with borax to kill the little bastards.  The borax punctures holes in their exoskeleton, killing them but also making it easier to dehydrate them until there's not a drop of life left in the little life-suckers.  It also punctures and dries out the eggs, so there's no little baby ants repopulating after all your hard cleaning work.  Along these same lines, salt can help you get rid of a slug problem on your flowers or vegetables, although it's kind of cruel, and extremely disgusting.  

(8)  Freshen your sponges.    While I don't use sponges very often anymore (I found dish rags last longer and are easier to clean), I still use this tip from time to time.  Sponges tend to get pretty funky pretty darn fast, so to keep them fresher longer, sprinkle them with salt.  It kills off bacteria lurking within and deodorizes.  Again, a mixture of salt and vinegar and/or baking soda doubles your deodorizing, funk-killing power.  If you have a really funky sponge, throw it in the dishwasher with a load of dishes to sanitize it and keep it around a little longer.

(9)  Keep your kitchen sink and drains clean and clog-free.  Along with number 8, I like to wipe my sink down with a salty sponge.  The abrasive power of the salt helps get rid of stains, and in turn helps keep the sponge fresh.  Also, as salt is good for getting rid of grease stains in clothes, it also can help cut that grease in your garage disposal and drain that can cause a pretty disgusting clog.  Just pour some salt in your sink and wash it down with some hot water.  The salt helps pick up the grease and the hot water carries it away.

(10) Kill mildew.  If you have some mildewy funk growing in the corner of your shower, you can kill it with a paste made out of salt and either vinegar or lemon juice.  The salt can kill the mold, and the abrasive power of salt and the acid action of the lemon juice or vinegar can help slough it away. The acid of the lemon juice or vinegar can also help whiten back up your tile or grout.  Just be careful with leaving it on too long or it can eat away at certain glazes that are on your fiberglass tub. 

So that pretty much sums up why I think salt is another great green cleaning agent.  Do you know any more uses for salt that you would like to share?  If so, please share them in the comments! 

The Crunchy Couple Buys a House, Part 2: The Process

For a little bit of background on how our household operates, I'll tell you that I handle most of the house/money stuff, while we call Crunchy Husband the "bread-winner" because he works more hours than I do, even though we're about halfsies on income.  I am usually the one who makes sure the bills are paid, does all the paperwork for property taxes and DMV-related issues, and does all the negotiating and paperwork on purchasing vehicles and houses, but CH is always there to sign away his rights.  As an added bonus, he is kind enough to do our state and federal taxes every year.  God bless Crunchy Husband. That is the best part of this whole marriage thing.  Someone else does my taxes, and I don't have to pay them.  I cannot stress how much I hate taxes.  Who doesn't?  Except a crack-head crazy CPA?

Anyway, the best responsibility CH has is to fix things that I have broken.

Like when I ran over a deer that the person in front of me killed and ended up with a rib in my tire.  Needless to say, it deflated almost immediately, and I was stranded on the side of the highway because neither myself or my brother-in-law had the upper body strength (or jumping-up-and-down-on-the-four-way strength)  to break loose the nuts on the tire bolts.  CH ended up having to drive from work with is impact gun to help us.  The next morning, I woke up, and CH had already gone to the tire shop and gotten my tire replaced and was in the process of putting it on my car.

Then, there was that time I forgot to check for steel wall studs in our apartment before I tried to install curtain rods and found out that not only can you not drill a screw in them, but they aren't spaced the same distance from the window, and I really should have used a stud-finder instead of drilling about 19 different holes between the 9 holes that I actually needed for the 3 curtain rods.  Okay, so he didn't help me that time, but CH had a good time making fun of me and telling me I should have asked him to at least borrow his stud-finder.

TL;DR:  Unless I need him to fix something I've broken, I don't have too much help on this whole buying a house thing, and it's a little overwhelming.

For anyone who has bought a home, you know the immense amount of paperwork that involves.  It seems as though there is always something else the bank needs you to provide, another artifact that the underwriter forgot to mention the last time.  For those of us who haven't ever completed the process before, it can be confusing, and to say the least, aggravating.

Part of me wonders why they don't just tell you from the beginning every single document they may or may not need from the get-go.  Just so that you can get it all together at once and provide it, and there are no more questions asked.  Then, the process is as smooth as possible.  I have found, this is certainly not the case.

So how did I do it all so far?  I will tell you.

(1)  I sat down and figured out our debt-to-income ratio (DTI).  I actually do this every month in an Excel worksheet, to keep track of our progress on paying down our debt, and where we need to cut back.  I took all of our loan and credit card payments (even those nasty student loans that will be coming due soon), and added them up and got a number for our debt every month.  Then, I took this number and divided by what we make monthly before taxes.  (Debt/income=%DTI)

(2) Once I figured out the DTI, I figured out what house payment (monthly mortgage, property tax, and homeowners insurance) we could make and be within conventional, FHA, and VA loan limits.  These limits include the maximum percentage DTI your housing payment can be (%A) and then the maximum percentage DTI both your housing payment and all other debt can be (%B).   The limits are expressed as (%A)/(%B).  For conventional loans, it is 28/36, for FHA, it is 31/43, and for VA it is 41/41.

For example:  CH and I make a combined income before taxes of about $70,000.  This is a monthly income of approximately $5800 (it's $5833, but for simplicity's sake, let's round down).  For our DTI to be within conventional loan limits, we would have to have a housing payment less than 28% of our income every month, which would be $1624.  Then, our total debt, including a house payment, would have to be less than $2088.

(3)  Once I found houses within our price range, I went to the bank and got us pre-qualified.  That was the easiest part, but also nerve-wracking.  I am definitely one of those people that flips out every time I have to wait on a loan approval decision (usually, for no reason). It required a lot of paperwork.  Bank statements, W-2s, 1040s, pay stubs, and essentially a lot of forms that have federal identifying numbers.

(4)  We made offers on houses we liked, one at a time.  The purchase contract was a fair amount of paperwork as well.  First, we made an offer on a home that was a foreclosure.  Unfortunately, our offer was about to be accepted when someone swooped in and offered $30,000 more than us in CASH.  You can't beat that.  No inspections required, no loan paperwork   Offer rejected, and no trying to play ball.  You can't compete with a cash offer like that.  The second house we made an offer on, we negotiated back and forth with the seller on.  In the end, his asking price was way too high for the area because he had relocated and was upside down on the house.  He wouldn't come down the extra $5000 to accept what the house would probably appraise for.  Essentially, he wanted to make enough money to cover his fees so he wouldn't be more in the hole, not offering, that letting it sit on the market for another year was going to cost him even more money.  Offer withdrawn.  Although it hurt to walk away from a house we really liked, I was not willing to go through this whole process to be denied because the loan-to-value ratio was too high.  I may be a naive first time home-buyer, but I'm not an idiot.  I've been through this process before.  The third house, and the one we are actively pursuing, the offer was accepted after we negotiated with the seller.  We are getting the house for $39,000 less than what the house was originally listed at several months ago, but only about $4,000 less than what it is currently listed at. So far, so good.  We're happy, and the seller is happy that we accepted her counter-offer.

Also a side complaint, our bank had to provide several prequalification letters because we needed a new one every time we made an offer on a house that was a different amount.  This was frustrating that we couldn't just get a general prequalification letter without an amount listed.  Then, we could have kept in mind the top limit of our prequalification, and could negotiate until a final offer was accepted, and then provide a specific pre-qualification letter with the amount of the offer listed.  Two letters instead of 10.

(5)  Once the contract was accepted, we filled out the actual loan application.  It was a mountain of paperwork like you couldn't imagine.  Let's put it this way.  When the bank mailed us a copy of all of the documents, it was so large that the mailman could not fit into the mail box.  Because there are two of us, we got two copies.  Two huge envelopes packed 'til near explosion with papers.  I didn't even know they made envelopes that big.  I think they would have saved money if they had just mailed them both in a flat-rate box.  I'm sure the mail carrier loved us that day.

(6)  Good news!  Appraisal ordered, fees paid.

(7)  We waited, and waited, and waited.  In the meantime, ordered a personal home inspection.  Worth the $350.  Some things needed fixed, some of which, we're sure the appraiser is going to mention.  Wrote a letter requesting repairs from the seller.

(8)  The underwriter wanted more paperwork.  More forms with federal numbers.

(9)  We chose a closing attorney, and decided to get both the bank title insurance (required) and owner's insurance (optional, but recommended).  Saved a bunch by shopping for our own lawyer, and probably ended up with the same lawyer that the bank would have chosen anyway.  Read a bunch of horror stories online about all the things that can go wrong if you don't get owner's title insurance.  It cost $200-300 and is worth every penny because it covers any lawyer/court fees associated with your title for the entire length of your buying process AND ownership of the home.  Why spend all that money to buy a home only to find out nothing is truly legal?

(10) We waited, and waited, and waited.  

(11)  More good news!  Seller agreed to repairs, and the appraiser somehow magically made the trip out to inspect way before the bank's estimate of his timeline.  Good news, but hoping he didn't mark down things that the seller will be in the process of fixing.  Or anything out of the blue that we weren't expecting.

(12)  Waiting on the appraiser's report, and waiting, and waiting.

(13)  Then, we'll have to wait on the underwriter's review.  I'm sure there will be more waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

TL;DR:  In essence, it is a lot of anxious waiting.  As long as everything is good with the appraisal, and the underwriter is satisfied, we are estimated to close in early to mid February.  I am hopeful, but not going to go overboard with expecting everything to go through with no problems.  For example, we will need to buy a washer and dryer.  Although they are currently on sale and go off sale at the end of the month, I don't want to take a chance on not being to close and have no where to put them.  I could take a chance on buying them and returning them if things didn't work out, but where would I store them in the mean time?

Our deadline for closing is at the beginning of March, so we still have some time, even if things slow down a bit.  We're fortunate enough to not have been still waiting on the appraiser to actually show up to the house to inspect it.  From what I understand, it could have been 30 days from the date of order, and instead it was about 5 days.  We are currently about 2 weeks from the date on which we actually completed the full-length loan application.  Looking back, it seemed like a lot longer with all the paperwork, bank visits, and phone calls, but it looks like we'll have a pretty quick closing if everything continues to go smoothly.  Of course, that could be because we have been in the middle of this house-buying process with all three of the homes since early November.  Maybe this time, we will end up with our first home.  Wish us luck!

Have you ever bought a house?  How was the process?  Did it go pretty well or was it a nightmare?  Share your story!

Getting Clean and Going Green: Not-so-Crunchy cleaning

So, as you can tell by reading this blog,  I am a huge advocate of natural, non-toxic cleaning products.  In fact, my "Getting Clean and Going Clean (without cleaning out your wallet)" series is going to take off again in the Spring with the advent of spring cleaning.  But, I have to say, although 98% of the time, I use all natural cleaning products.  The other 2% of the time... well, I have to say that I cheat a little.

My insanity is not without reason, and I'll tell you why.

Before I get started, a few definitions.  A cleaner is used to wipe away surface grime, like food splatters and dust.  It visibly cleans the area.  A disinfectant is used to kill harmful things on the surface you are cleaning, such as viruses, mold, and bacteria.  A sanitizer goes a step above a disinfectant and must have an efficacy of killing at least 99.9999% of tested offenders.

Vinegar is an awesome household cleaner and disinfecant and doubles as a delicious dressing ingredient.  Vinegar will make spotless almost any surface, although its acidity may not be safe for all surfaces.  The best part?  It is non-toxic.  Although I don't recommend breathing in acetic acid fumes as it could possibly cause some damage, getting a whiff of it isn't going to kill your lungs.

Chlorine bleach, on the other hand, is not only a cleaner and disinfectant, but it can also be a sanitizer at higher concentrations than what is normally recommended for cleaning (3/4 to 1 cup in a gallon of hot water).  However, it is also known as a horribly toxic chemical.  You should wear gloves when you use it to prevent it from soaking into your skin and allowing its highly basic activity to essentially make your skin lipids into soap.    Always use it in a well-ventilated area.  Never mix it with any other household chemical.  Never ingest it.  Don't use it around your children or pets.  I'm not even going to touch on what it can do to the eco-system.  You get the idea...

I am not going to touch on hydrogen peroxide, because from a scientific standpoint, the 3% solution you can buy at the grocery store, is not as effective at killing all bacteria, viruses, and molds than stronger solutions that are not usually available to consumers.  Although 3% hydrogen peroxide is touted as the amazing bleach-replacement, I haven't done enough of my own research to be able to vouch for it, and therefore won't be discussing it in this post.

Environmental scientists say bleach might not be as bad for the environment as we once thought.  As long as it is used correctly.  Due to the incredible chemical instability and reactivity of bleach, it actually degrades quickly enough when used according to manufacturer directions, it has very little impact on the environment.  Way less than driving a car or leaving your lights in your house on for hours at a time. Who knew?  Environmentalists have been urging us to go bleach-free for years!  However, this is not to say, that its toxicity isn't potent enough that you should use caution when actually using it.

Both of these cleaners and disinfectants, vinegar and bleach, can disinfect.  However, the spectrum of bacteria and viruses vinegar kills is quite narrow compared to chlorine bleach.  Although vinegar can kill 99% of bacteria.  It can only kill around 80-85% of molds and viruses.  Bad news if you need to disinfect your bathroom or if you somehow ended up with black mold growing in that dank corner in the basement.  Bleach, unfortunately, is one of the few things we have that will kill almost everything.  In fact, in the science world, we say it is the ONLY known substance that will kill everything.  And by everything, we mean 99.9999%.  Although, to our knowledge it probably kills 100% of the things we've tested it against, there is always something in that 0.0001% that will evolve to survive even the harshest conditions.

This is why I use bleach to disinfect my toilets and my refrigerator/freezers.  Any other time, I would use vinegar, or an eco-safe homemade cleaner to clean and disinfect my surfaces.  However, I'm not just worried about bacteria in my fridge or in my bathroom.  Where there is moisture, you can usually find its buddy, mold.  Where food lingers, there is almost always bacteria, mold, and even viruses.  Where there is  unsavory human activities, there will almost always be bacteria, mold, and viruses.  Especially, where there are schoolchildren, there are all kinds of nasty bugs.  Especially if someone in your household is actually presenting with virus symptoms.  My point is, it is not just bacteria that we have to worry about, and vinegar may not always clean as well as we want it to.  Therefore, total disinfection is absolutely necessary in these areas, especially if your family chooses not to participate in vaccination.  (The vaccination issue is an entirely separate issue that I may not cover ever, or for a very long time, as it is an extremely touchy and personal subject).

Exposure to some bacteria, viruses, and mold, can be beneficial for health.  It can promote immunity.  It can evolve us to overcome disease and allergies.  However, some types of exposure are extremely risky, and can result in your entire family becoming extreme ill or can even cause death.

The point of this post is that being a Crunchy Wife in every way is not 100% possible.  I will have my faults in cleaning, cooking, family care, finances, and activities, that are not agreeable to most environmentalists.  If you live in a modern environment, it is very difficult to go above and beyond eco-friendly standards every second of your life.  However, as a scientist, I see both sides of the issue.  To my knowledge there is not another natural product on this earth that can kill everything that bleach can and is safe for most of your surfaces (besides fire, and even that is debatable). If used correctly, bleach is actually not that bad for the environment.  Using non-phosphate-free dish or laundry soap probably has a bigger environmental impact. So, if you choose to use bleach, and I recommend that you do in these specific areas, please use it sparingly.  Please follow the safety and manufacturer directions.  This is one Crunchy Wife that won't judge you.

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So, I have my own ideas for how to get clean while going green.  What steps have you taken to reduce the environmental impact of your cleaning activities?  Are there "non-environmentally-friendly" cleaners you still use?  If so, what are they, and why won't you give them up?  Let me know in the comments!  Happy green cleaning!

Like the Crunchy Wife WV on Facebook!

Well, I am finally getting caught up with all the things technology I have wanted to do around the blog.  Over the next few months, we're going to be sprucing up things a bit here at Crunchy Wife WV.  Personally, I have had a Facebook for a long long time.  Too long, in fact... but I just got one up and running for this blog. I am in the process of trying to get a "follow" button set up for Facebook, so in the mean time, please just search "Crunchy Wife WV", and I should come up.  I may or may not start fooling with the tweets on the Twitters.  I am getting too old for the vast majority of social media outlets.  However, if there is high enough demand for a Twitter account, I will oblige.

If you're new to the blog... Welcome!  I am glad you've found my little site.  I try to insert humor and information in all that I do.  I am a sarcastic scientist, a witty wife, a calculating cook, and trying to save some green (and some trees) with going green.   Follow me along my journey and we can learn some things together.  Feel free to share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments sections at the end of each blog post.  I look forward to hearing from you!

The Crunchy Couple Buys a House, Part 1: Justification

Crunchy Husband and I have decided to take a big leap of faith and buy a house.  What are we thinking?

Some call us crazy, for multiple reasons.  First of all, I only have a year left of graduate school.  Do I plan on moving out into the big brave world to job hunt in the Pharmaceutical Sciences all over God's green earth?  No.  In fact, I plan on finding a job right here, in North Central West Virginia.  I will do just that, even if it means I have to answer phones and play secretary for a mere $30,000/year when I could be starting at $90k at some Californian biotech firm.

Why turn down the money?  Well, there are many explanations for our insanity, but it all boils down to these four reasons.

First of all, we love Morgantown.  It is one of the best "big" little cities I have ever had the privilege of visiting, let alone living in.  This town really is a community, and compared to the rest of WV, it has a small town charm in a big place.  It's amazing.

Second of all, we want to be close to our families... but not TOO close.  My mom is a widow, and is getting old (sorry, Mom, just giving the facts).  Not only do we want to be there for her, but we NEED to be there for her, even if it's for the limited amount of "spare" time we have.  Also, my in-laws probably wouldn't approve of us moving a million miles away.  If I remember correctly, when Noel and I first were married or engaged, my MIL said something along the lines of "No one will move my grand babies that far away from me".  At first, I thought she was crazy for even bringing that up before we had even really thought about having kids, but then I thought about my Mom, who has two grand kids, but they're all the way on the West coast.  And that kills her sometimes.  If I were in my mother/MIL's shoes, I wouldn't want anyone to move my grand babies that far away from me, either.

Given that scenario, we also don't want to live in the same town as our parents/in-laws.  Any one who does either has THE perfect relationship with their parents (which I promise you, doesn't exist unless...), or they're bat crap crazy.

Thirdly,  CH has a good job.  He doesn't love it enough to work in the same position for the rest of his life, but he likes it enough that he would like to move up in the company and the money is nice.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes he comes home with his grumpy "work sucks and people are stupid" tantrums, but for the most part, he can't deny that he gets a satisfaction out of doing what he does.  Staying in the area will help  him get chances of escalating his position or being competitive for similar careers.  Plus, he's got some credit hours left to get his Mechanical Engineering degree, and I'll be d***ed if he's going to use the "you made me move to a different state, so I couldn't complete my degree" excuse.  Lord knows there are a million more excuses to go along with that!

Lastly, and most importantly, in my opinion... this state needs educated people, and there are a lot of opportunities in Morgantown.  With all the "Buckwild", hillbilly, redneck, and just plain ignorant nonsense floating around and involving this beautiful state, it NEEDS people with higher degrees and earning potential.  People who are willing to stay here, set down roots, develop technologies here, become entrepreneurs, help to educate other residents, and most of all, change the way "outsiders" view West Virginia and its people.  I have been to a LOT of extremely rural WV towns, but I have never seen the idiocy that is portrayed about our state in the national media outlets.  And that, my friends, needs to change.  If those people would just come here and see the beautiful mountains and actually talk to its people and learn about its history without judgement, they would see they have a completely skewed view of what WV is like.  Also, we need to put WV on the map and make people learn their high school geography so they quit calling us "Western Virginia".  Let's goooooooooo MOUNTAINEERS!

So, have  you settled down yet?  If so, why did you choose the place you did?  Was it for family, for money, for convenience?  I want to HEAR from you!  I KNOW people read this thing because I've had almost 600 legitimate views in less than 6 months!  Talk to me, people!  Let's have a conversation!

Crunchy Wife in the Kitchen: Beet, Walnut, and Feta Salad

Going on the topic of a healthy new year, I thought I'd share a great vegetarian recipe I tweaked to make my  own.  Beets are usually in season several months out of the year (May-October), but they are known as a "winter" crop.  Part of this is due to their wide availability as a canned product, although they are pretty delicious fresh and roasted, as well.

Beets have pre-cooked texture of a radish, but give off a more earthy tone on the palate.  Most beets have a vibrant red color when cooked, once widely used in the textile industry for dying fabrics.  (They'll dye your skin, too!)  This is also nature's way of telling us that they're loaded in all kinds of great vitamins and minerals, especially antioxidants.  Because beets are pretty much in-season all year round where you can find the canned variety, this salad is not only a great "winter" vegetable recipe, but can be enjoyed any time of year.  

I made this salad for lunch today to try to counteract some of the bad fats and carbs I'll be consuming during our typical Irish New Year's Day feast later this evening.  This recipe has lots of good fats and carbs (fiber), and tons of good-for-you nutrients.  You can make this as one big serving for a main dish lunch or increase the goodies and divvy it up into smaller portions as a side for a meal.  You can use almost any greens you like, but I happened to have some romaine on hand that needed used.  Spring mixed greens, spinach, or arugula would be great.  You can also use almonds, pine nuts, or almost any nut you like.  The cheese is equally as interchangeable.  I used Sun-Dried Tomato and Basil feta, but you can use plain feta, blue cheese, goat cheese, Gorgonzola  or whatever suits your fancy or your contents of your fridge.   Serve this up with some in-season clementines and it's to die for.  Here the recipe, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Crunchy Beet Salad with Walnuts and Feta

Salad:

1 small head romaine lettuce, chopped

1/2 cup slice canned beets, sliced into slivers

1/4 cup (1 oz.) crumbled Tomato-Basil Feta

1 oz. walnuts halves and pieces (about 14 halves)

Half of 1 small onion, thinly sliced and diced, Divided for use in Dressing

Dressing:

Half of sliced and diced onion from above

1 tbsp balsamic vinegar

1 tbsp apple cider vinegar

2 tbsp olive oil

Pinch sugar

Dash salt and freshly ground pepper (or to taste)

Place lettuce on salad plate.  Top with beets, feta, walnuts, and part of onion.

Add remaining onion to a small bowl and whisk it together with vinegar, oil, sugar, and salt and pepper.  Once blended, add to top of salad.  

Serve immediately and enjoy!

Nutritional info:  Using half of dressing, 456 calories, 20g carbs, 39g fat, and 12g protein.  Using all of dressing:  575 calories, 21g carbs, 39g fat, and 12g protein.  

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I hope you enjoyed this Crunchy recipe, and there are sure to be more in the New Year!  In the meantime, Green Appetit!




Also, check out this cool Acacia Salad Bowl and OXO Good Grips Little Salad and Herb Spinner from my Google affiliates at surlatable.com!

Let the New Year Baby ring it all in!

Crunchy Husband and I, Christmas 2012

I trust everyone had a Merry Christmas and is having a Happy New Year.  I want to apologize for being so out of the loop, especially when so many  of you were beginning to read on a regular basis.  So much has happened in the last year.  So much so, that I have been kind of sparse on the postings.  Some of those that may read this blog may know why as they know me in person, but for the others, I will fill you in with my previous post, where we remember the events that lead to the loss of our Little Owl.

So my New Year's Resolution this year is to (1) Keep myself healthy by eating right and continuing to regularly exercise.  (2) To stay motivated to get through my PhD and begin looking for a real job after graduation.  (3) To continue looking for a house to buy (we're almost there!). (4) To continue to do a great job in saving money. (5) To try to have another baby, while also remembering our Little Owl and grieving healthily over our loss. To learn from our miscarriage, share our knowledge with others, and try hard not to let ourselves worry too much if we are able to conceive again.

Although my goals are almost the same as last years, I'll tell you how far I've come.

My New Year 2013 Resolution Wordle

Resolution 1:  Eat, Live, and Be Healthy!  Crunchy Husband and I have been making a big effort to eat more healthy, whole foods over the last couple of years.  This year, we both wanted to lose some pounds and cut out some junk.  I am happy to say, that before our pregnancy with Little Owl, I had lost almost 15 lbs from cutting down on soda, eating more veggies instead of starchy or junk foods, and by trying to exercise more.  I went from being almost 175 lbs to 161 lbs over the course of several months.  Although I cut out any type of cardio or dieting while pregnant, I still kept several pounds off by continuing to walk A LOT, drinking lots of water, and making sure I am not snacking on junk.  After the pregnancy and over the holidays, I had gained a few pounds back.  Right now, I weigh 167 lbs, which is borderline obese.  Of course, BMI does not take into account body build, and I am a very curvy girl with a true hourglass shape.  Therefore, I do not look as heavy as I actually am (thank goodness)!  In my opinion, I have still made progress, and although I still have a long way to go to reach my goal weight of 135 lbs, I am getting there, even if it is by "baby" steps.

To keep my reproductive health, I will not be dieting heavily, but will make sure I eat a better variety of colorful vegetables and cut down on my fatty meat consumption.  Jimmy John's sandwiches are a guilty pleasure of mine!

A new goal for this year is to recycle more.  CH and I used to recycle almost EVERYTHING until they got rid of our nearby drop off point.  Now, we are lazy and don't want to drive the extra few miles to the next drop off point, so we've gotten a little lax in our recycling.  This year, we'll break that trashy habit and help save the earth, one plastic bottle, cardboard box, and glass jar at a time!

Resolution 2:  Get that PhD!  I qualified on my written PhD candidacy exam, and now, all I have to do to become a "PhD candidate" is to pass an oral qualification, also known as a proposal defense.  Although I had written a grant proposal that was submitted to the NIH and received favorable reviews, I will be reworking the proposal to include more feasible experiments for the estimated time I should have left in my program.  I will be meeting with my committee next month to see if they have any other recommendations, and then in March, I will be defending my proposal!  So nervous...  After that, all I have to do is complete the research, write my dissertation, and pass my dissertation defense!  So close, I can taste it.

I have also been looking for jobs in the area.  CH has a good, full-time job in the area, and we want to stay close to our parents, especially given their health and finances, so we plan to stay in the Morgantown area for a little while longer.  This all leads into....

Resolution 3:  Buy a House!  We put in an offer on a couple of homes.  The first one would have needed some work because it was a foreclosure, but we were up to the challenge.  The offer was probably going to be accepted until some sneaky real estate mogul snatched it out from under us by offering $20,000 more... IN CASH.  Blast you, rich slumlords!  The second one, we really like and put an offer in just this last week.  We have negotiated some with the seller, but he refuses to budge another $5000 based on the fact that he owes more on the house than it's actually worth.  We essentially came to an impasse on price, as we refuse to pay more for the house than its worth, and that $5000 makes the difference on whether we'll be approved for the loan or have to sink another $5000 of our own money all at once, so we told him to give us a call when the house has been on the market for ANOTHER 200 days and he has sunk another couple grand in a mortgage for a house he's not living in.  We have another couple of houses in mind, as well as building our own on some land we've been eyeing, so we'll see how it goes!  All will happen in God's time.

Resolution 4:  Save Mo' Money!  When CH and I started the New Year in 2012, we weren't making too much money and had a very modest emergency savings of $5000.  We also had a lot of credit card debt, although all of it has been in good standing and we have excellent credit scores.  CH got a nice-paying job in April, and so we made the goal to save a total of $12,000 over the next 8 months (by Jan 2013) and to pay down those nasty credit cards.  To our surprise, we did BEAT OUR GOAL and have saved a total of over $13,000 over the last 8 months!  Over $1000 a month!  Resolution number 3, here we come!  Next year, I hope to have at least $20,000 in savings, to continue to pay down our debt (getting rid of ALL credit card debt and including our two relatively new vehicles), and to start my own IRA and to start adding more to CH's IRA.  It's a big goal, but it will be worth it and a lot easier when we aren't sinking over $1000/month in rent and building some EQUITY!

Resolution 5:  Rainbow Baby!  CH and I are now well on our way to TTC again.  In fact, CH seems to think we may make 4 or 5 by accident.  :)  There is a lot Little Owl taught us, even if he or she is not able to be with us.  Our faith in God lets us know that He will not give us more than we can bear and one day, in HIS timing, we will have a beautiful, bouncing, baby boy or girl.  And we can't wait!

Most New Year's Resolutions follow the same lines as my 5 New Year's Resolutions above.  What were your goals last year in 2012?  Did you complete them?  Come close?  Make even the tiniest dent? (That's progress, too!)  What are your goals for 2013, and are they influenced by last year's?  If you had to do 2012 over, what's the number one thing you would change if you could?   Let me know in the comments!

Remembering our loss of Little Owl

Almost two months ago, I left off with Crunchy Husband and I celebrating the coming of a new baby and not-so-much celebrating the woes of the 1st Trimester.  About a month ago, about a week into what we thought was my 2nd Trimester, we discovered the worst news any expecting parent could face.... we had lost the baby.  I am just now coming to complete terms with this as we try to healthily grieve and move on.  Luckily, CH and I have an extremely strong marriage.  We have been through a lot together, so while this experience has shaken our individual well-beings and fortitude, it has not shaken our marriage.  One bit.  And that, in itself is truly a Christmas miracle.

What happened?  Well, I'm still trying to figure that out, and with my scientific mind, I couldn't take "We may never know" as a valid reason.  What follows is what I do know, now.

We experienced what is called a "missed miscarriage" or "missed abortion".  This happens, usually later in the 1st Trimester and early 2nd Trimester and is common in the periods before women may have what is called a "still birth", where the baby may be "born" but technically has died in the womb, usually some time before.

We found out this news on December 3rd.  I was supposed to be 13 1/2 weeks pregnant and going in for a routine ultrasound to perform a nuchal fold transparency test.  It basically measures the baby's skin around the back of the neck, which can be an indicator of genetic abnormalities, such as Downs Syndrome.  I was excited to get to see our baby again, and super excited because it would have been the first time CH would have seen the heartbeat.  He had to work the day I had my 1st ultrasound where we found out I was 6 weeks 5 days and saw the heartbeat.  I was also excited because it seemed like the 1st Trimester nausea and vomiting had finally eased up.  Little did I know, that wasn't completely normal.

Instead of seeing our Little Owl with a beating heart and moving around in response to the ultrasound probe moving on my belly.  We saw Little Owl just curled up there,  not moving, no heartbeat.  You could tell there was something amiss, and the ultrasound tech and her doctor supervisor quickly hurried out of the room, while asking me if I could go pee.  Trying to think the best, I thought maybe my bladder being full was the reason the baby wasn't moving or maybe we weren't getting a good picture.  I came back from the bathroom, and it was several more minutes before the ultrasound tech and supervisor came back in.  They lubed my belly up again and tried a second time.  Still no heartbeat.  Still no movement.  And the baby was measuring small for its supposed gestational age.  The baby had died almost 2 weeks ago.

I went into hysterics.  I was bawling.  I vomited several times into the exam room trash can.  Nothing my husband or my mother could do comforted me.  It was the pain I have ever felt.  In my entire life.  It felt as though some monster had reached into my body, into my soul, and had grabbed it, crushing it with its claws and wrenching it into pieces until there was nothing left.

After I had calmed down some, they lead me to another exam room.  My OB, usually a bouncing humorous man with a Jersey accent who has practiced obstetrics for 42 years, was solemn.  The first thing he said to me was "Shit.  Just shit.  There is no good to come out of this. None."  He held my hand as my husband sat on the examination table with me, trying to comfort me.  He explained that something was wrong with the baby that had caused it to pass away and that we may never know.  He told me there were three options (1) Watchful waiting for a natural miscarriage.  (2) Misoprostol, a NSAID that would cause me to go into contractions and miscarry at home.  (3) Dialation and Cutterage (D&C) to abort (miscarry) the baby by medical means.  With the third option, he told me, at least we could do pathology and genetic testing on the baby to see if we could pinpoint what may have been wrong.  He talked to me about grieving.  How it was natural.  How he would have thought I wasn't human had I not reacted the way I did.  How he would know if I was grieving too much or for too long because he would be with me every step of the way.  That it wasn't our faults.  That he wanted me to make a list of every single stupid reason I came up with for why it could have happened and bring it for my next appointment so he could tell me I was absolutely wrong.  And then he hugged me and held me for almost too long and told me that we would all get through it together and that I would try again and have a successful, healthy pregnancy.

But first, I had to go downstairs for pre-admission bloodwork and confirmation of declining hCG levels.  There was a huge congregation of people waiting on bloodwork in the laboratory waiting room.  With tears still streaming down my face, I filled out a form and waited to be seated.  A woman walked into the room with her newborn baby cooing and crying.  I lost it.  I started sobbing and my husband tried to shield me.  A saw the admission specialists whispering to a nurse.  She walked over to the door and called my name.  When I walked into the lab, she took my hand, led me over to her station and gave me a big hug.  "I'm so incredibly sorry.  Please, can I get you anything?  A cup of water?  A cold compress?"  All I could do is nod and she almost had to physically place me in the chair because I was so numb to my surrounds.  But all I could think was.. "I just lost my baby, and this complete stranger cares.  She just literally helped me wipe my tears away.  She actually cares that I just lost my baby"  You don't think about healthcare professionals actually CARE for you and your emotions.  That they have done things so many times that they are numb robots that automatically have a set reaction to every situation.  From this experience, I can tell you that is absolutely false.

I went home.  I went into my office to write an email to people at work letting them know everything was okay but it would be a few days before I could return to work.  In my office chair, I found our Little Owl.  Not our baby, but the stuffed Little Owl my husband had bought for our baby.  I had put it there before we left for the ultrasound to get it out of the way for my mom, who was sleeping in our guest room/office.  I held it and couldn't let it go for the first day, and my husband and I crawled into bed together.  We held each other and the stuffed version of our Little Owl.  We asked why.  We prayed.  We hoped for the future.  I cried.  He solemnly comforted me, always being the rock he always is, and that at that time, I didn't know if I wanted him to be.  We slept for hours.  We woke up, cried some more, talked some more, sometimes napped some more.  My mother made us something to eat, and I choked it down because I wasn't hungry, but I knew I needed strength and had to go on.

After I could handle being out of bed.  I frantically researched.  Google. Babycenter. American Pregnancy. PubMed.  I researched missed miscarriages and their causes.  I researched my medical options for miscarrying.  I found out that the 1st option was entirely unlikely to happen on its own at this late stage, and that what would likely happen is that I would start hemorrhaging and have to have an emergency D&C anyway.  With the 2nd option, I read the horror stories of women who also hemorrhaged, had excruciating contractions, and then had to face their failed pregnancy in the face.  By staring at their dead baby, at this point the size of a peach, in the toilet, sac and all.  Ultimately, a lot of these women still had to undergo an emergency D&C because all the "products of conception" were not removed and the left over tissue caused an intrauterine infection, which can lead to scarring and sterility.

I knew my choice was clear.  Although it is not the "natural" choice, I chose a D&C because (1) I am a scientist.  I know the risks.  I know there is a reason these procedures were originally developed.  It was not to abort babies of mothers that wanted a choice in their reproduction.  It was to SAVE the lives of mothers who didn't have a choice in whether their baby lived or died.  (2) I wanted to know, if at all possible, what had caused our Little Owl's demise.  (3) The sooner we put Little Owl to rest, the sooner I could heal, both physically and emotionally.  Carrying around my dead son or daughter around with me 24/7 was getting to be more than I could bear.

My OB, understanding the stages of grief and the realism that I probably had not come to terms with accepting that Little Owl had died, scheduled a second ultrasound to confirm death of the fetus on another ultrasound machine, several days later.  Through the denial, I came up with all kinds of reasons.  The ultrasound machine was broken.  The ultrasound tech had accidentally pulled up someone else's still frame.  The ultrasound was too quick to be able to get the probe in the right angle.  The baby was asleep.  The baby is just small for its gestational age.  On and on and on....On December 6th, I went in to the ultrasound and got a good hard look at the reality.  The baby was even smaller, right along with how many days had passed because they shrink at the same rate they grow.  The ultrasound tech was a resident that was under my OB.  She took as much time as I needed.  She explained all the markers.  She moved the probe in different angles so I could be sure it was MY baby I was seeing inside MY body.  She asked me what I wanted to do.  I told her I wanted a D&C.  She told me that was pretty much the only option I had being this far along and that I made the right decision.  That they tell people they have those other 2 options when really, they don't, and they're putting themselves and their future reproductive and possibly mental health at risk.

I was scheduled for a D&C the next morning.  My mother, my husband and I went straight up to the maternity ward.  They put me in a beautiful, large room.  It was almost completely quiet.  No babies crying.  No dinging of the celebratory birth chime.  Just nurses coming in and out prepping me for my surgery, and a visit from a dear friend who has been there for me during both the ups and downs of the pregnancy. Talking about theirs and others experiences with miscarriage.  Their later triumphs.  Assuring me that all would be well, during the surgery and after.  The nurses started my IV and put me on a high dose of antibiotic.  It was fresh out of the fridge and so cold it made my arm hurt.  My nurse, Tamara, rubbed my arm to warm it up, covered it in hot blankets, and diluted my antibiotic with saline so my arm wouldn't hurt so bad.  We even laughed about bubbles in the IV and how much it takes for an embolism and every time I saw a big one, she would try to flick it into smaller bubbles so I wouldn't worry so much.  She was by my side through the whole thing, and assured me she would be with me during the whole surgery and my recovery.

They wheeled me back to the OR and had me switch onto the operating table.  The anesthesiologist came in to start me on my "twilight" anesthesia.  I would be awake for the surgery and responsive in case they needed me to push, but I shouldn't remember anything.  For the most part, I didn't, except little snips of the OR, the OB surgeon, and the rest of the OR staff, including Tamara, standing there, watching, waiting, assisting, making sure I was okay, occasionally holding my hand.  But I remember them telling me the surgery was over, they told me my baby had been delivered.  They asked if I wanted cytogenetics.  My speech was so slurred they couldn't understand me and had to ask me again after I had recovered, but luckily they also didn't hear me ask "Is my Little Owl a boy or a girl?"  Although the cytogenetics did tell us what happened to the baby, I still don't know the answer to that question because I haven't asked it again.

I recovered extremely quickly.  The anesthesia wore off ask I was being wheeled back into my room.  My mom and husband were waiting there.  After I woke up, they took out my catheter and let me go to the bathroom.  My nurse commented that she had never seen someone get up so quickly and be steady on their feet.  She covered me up with hot blankets and got me some hot tea and asked if I would like something to eat.  After I ate, she told me I could stay as long as I liked and go home when I was ready.  I was ready.  I wanted to leave it all behind.

We stopped by the pharmacy and picked up my medications, a heavy-duty 600mg ibuprofen and methylergonovine, a medication that would help my uterus shrink back down and help me deliver any remaining tissue from the surgery.  The recovery went pretty well, I slept most of the next two days, partially out of depression, mostly from the ibuprofen making me drowsy.  My mom was extremely helpful with cleaning up my house and making sure I ate.  After a few days, I thought I was okay to return to work.  I wasn't.  Physically, it was painful for me to sit or stand for too long.  Emotionally, I couldn't handle knowing that everyone wanted to know what happened, and I couldn't even begin to tell them in any amount of detail.  Although I am usually very open with people about all the joys and trials in my life, I couldn't stomach being open just yet.  I just wanted to be in my shell.  By myself.  Maybe occasionally accompanied by my husband.  Just us. Just me.  With my Little Owl stuffed animal I had bought for our baby.  Our baby who had lived inside of me, but who would never live in the outside world.

I went for a check-up with my OB about 10 days later.  He did some more grief counseling.  He checked to make sure everything was back to "normal", and he told me we could start trying again after my first anovulatory cycle because I am a late ovulator (otherwise it would have been two cycles).  Just when I thought I had healed, I returned to work, although briefly, and I began to hope for future pregnancies.  That's when I got the phone call.  The cytogenetics had come back.

Receiving the results opened new wounds.  Knowing there was nothing I could have done gave me a strange peace.  The OB surgeon recommended waiting three months to conceive again.  This would give us time to be seen by a genetic counselor in the High Risk Obstetrics unit.  To my husband and I, it didn't make sense to wait.  Knowing how ovulation works from a scientific standpoint, I knew waiting did not decrease our chances of another miscarriage.  In fact, the next dominant egg was likely going to be defect-free.  Our OB who had practiced for 42 years knew there was not a single significant medical reason for waiting more than one normal cycle.  In fact, waiting too long can increase the chances of another miscarriage.  So, we are trying again.  Because right now, it feels like it is the only way we see fit to heal.